Jolie Jokes

An article in the New York Post on Thursday gushed over Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new baby, Shiloh: "The 12-day-old darling... has dad Brad Pitt's baby-blue eyes and mom Angelina Jolie's lush, pouty lips." The article also had kind words for Shiloh's adopted foreign-born siblings: "They haven't robbed anyone yet."

A celebrity photographer was found hiding in a bush near Angelina Jolie's son's school around the time when parents drop their kids off. He said he was trying to get a shot of Pitt and Jolie, in addition to doing some scouting for Michael Jackson.

Busy Angelina Jolie will apparently be playing Mariane Pearl, widow of slain reporter Daniel Pearl, in an upcoming movie. I'm guessing that if the real Mariane Pearl looked like Angelina Jolie, Daniel Pearl's last words might have been very different:

"Don't kill me and I'll let you do my wife! She's a 10! Please! You can do coke off her nipples!"

Actress Angelina Jolie plans to adopt a 4-year-old Vietnamese boy she chose on a recent visit to an orphanage near Ho Chi Minh city. The child should arrive in the U.S. in about three months - plenty of time for Jolie and partner Brad Pitt to prepare by setting up a nursery and getting rid of their "Platoon", "Full Metal Jacket" and "Missing in Action" dvd's.

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...