Cruise Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says "OK," and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms. Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms. The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the drug store and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms. Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?"

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life- until the boat sank.
He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"O, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's more...

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...nothing... only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing,' he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?' replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, but, that's impossible,' stutters more...

An Iraqi was walking on the beach when he was approached by a man. "Say Buddy," said the man, "How"d you like to take a cruise for $100?"
"Sure!" exclaimed the Iraqi. When he gave the man his money, the guy pulled out a black jack and hit him over the head. He pulled him down to the shore, put him in an inner tube and then shoved him off.
The next day, another Iraqi was walking on the beach, and was approached by the same man, in the same manner. Sure enough, when the second Albanian gave him his money, out came the black jack, and the second Albanian was on his way out to sea.
Several days had passed, and the two Iraqi's eventually ran into one another. "Hey Buddy," the second asked the first, "do they serve drinks on this cruise?"
"They probably won't." said the first, "They didn't last year."

George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Al Gore were on an adult cruise ship and everyone was having a great time.
Later that evening, the ship struck an iceberg and the passengers were panic-striken. Al Gore began to jump up and down, screaming, "What should we do? What should we do?"
"Women to the lifeboats!" Bush instructed.
Sneering and pushing his way through the crowd, Gore replied, "Screw the women!"
"What a great idea," Clinton said. "Do you suppose we have time?"

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A video of actor Tom Cruise touting himself and fellow Scientologists as "authorities on the mind" has appeared on the Internet.

Tom Cruise is an "authority on the mind" like Queen Latifah is an authority on the body.

an old married couple couldnt have kids but they had this puppy called little timmy. they treated little timmy as if he was there son. they worked hard all there life and used there life savings to go on a cruise around the world and take timmy with them. during the cruise timmy jumps over board.the couple are completely distraught over timmys death.they come home after 2 weeks and to there surprise what do you think is sitting on there doorstep?... nope not timmy...six pints of milk.they forgot to cancel there milk order from the milkman for the 2 weeks.