Cruise Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde enters a restaurant and goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. On the board, she sees a piece of paper that reads "Ocean Cruise - Only $5".
She pulls the piece of paper from the board and goes to the address listed on the back of it. She enters the building and hands the paper to the secretary who nods and asks the blonde if she has five dollars. The blonde takes five dollars from her purse and gives it to the secretary.
The secretary then looks over to a burly guy reading a newspaper and nods to him. He stands up, walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.
When she wakes up, she finds that she's tied to a log and is floating down the river. She starts to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. All of a sudden, she sees one of her blonde friends tied to a log floating right next to her.
"So, do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?" the blonde asks her friend.
"They didn't serve any more...

Anyone see the previews for Speed 3? It appears that the much anticipated final installment in the trilogy takes a really odd turn involving seemingly zero's of motorized vehicles. From what I can gather from the trailer, Keanu and Sandra Bullock take the boat from Speed 2: Cruise Control to a lakehouse, and action surely ensues. While I'm still foggy on the plot details, surely this duo can do no wrong...
...except for the aforementioned Speed 2: Cruise Control.

The builder
A cruise liner goes down in the Pacific and Benny is the only survivor. He manages to swim to an uninhabited island.
Many year`s later, when a search party finally comes to rescue him, they see that he has constructed two synagogues on his tiny island.
"Why the two synagogues?" the leader asks Benny.
Benny points to the nearest one and replies, "That`s the one I go to every Saturday. The other one, I wouldn`t go inside if you paid me!"

A married couple were going through some rough times in their marriage. The sexual drive was lacking, the passion gone. So they decided to go to see a marriage counselor. After a few sessions, the counselor realized nothing he could do would help. However, he still suggested that the couple go on a cruise, to see if they could rekindle any of the romance they once had. They schedule a follow up visit for 2 weeks later.
The couple go on the cruise. The first night, they go dancing, swimming, and enjoy the many other activities on the ship. At about 1 AM they retire to their cabin, exhausted. They got a doubles room when booking their cruise, so the beds in their cabin are bunked. The woman looks to her husband after they prepare for bed and asks "Up or down?" Suddenly, her husband grabs her, throws her on the bottom bunk, and they proceed to make wild, passionate love. Needless to say, the rest of their cruise was spent mostly indoors, enjoying the new found more...

Tom Cruise, Steven Seagal, and Alec Baldwin were in a jungle filming a movie. Sadly, they were taken prisoner by the local tribe. As they were about to be executed, they begged the queen of the tribe for mercy.
She considered their plea and said, "Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed." The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food.
Tom Cruise was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving him screaming.
Seagal was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass.
Tom Cruise was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Seagal had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him more...

your mammas so fat whenever she goes on a cruise they use her as an anker

People Magazine turned down Tom Cruise's offer to sell pictures of his infant daughter Suri. Explained an editor, "We'd pay 5 million for pictures of Suri's conception, but Tom Cruise isn't in them."