Cruise Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young single guy on a cruise ship is having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning, but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, who had also managed to survive this far, but she was unconscious and barely breathing. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing and conscious again.
She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford! Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in more...
Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor thathe's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him,"Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?" The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
According to BBC News, Nicole Kidman didn't need an annulment from Tom Cruise in order to marry Keith Urban in a Catholic Church-since Kidman and Cruise were wed in a Scientology ceremony, they were not officially married by Catholic Church standards.
Other couples not married by Catholic Church standards include:
Joseph and Hadassah Lieberman,
Osama Bin Laden and his wives Fatima, Barakah, and Ghuynda,
Sir Elton John and David Furnish,
Genghis and Mrs. Khan,
and panda bears Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing.
What: Seven day cruise.
Where: Bermuda and The Bahamas.
Who: Here are the five vacationers:
Sister: Married three years. Mom to 16-month-old. Pregnant again...
Brother-in-law: Good egg. Very patient. Well, he did marry my sister...
Dad: 81-years-old. Last summer, quadruple bypass surgery. Gets tired fast doing anything, with the exception of asking when I’m getting married...
Nephew: Age: 16 months. Says like three words (which is three more than his daddy)...
Lenny: Anti-social comedian. Lives on Yankees baseball and potato chips-neither of which you could find on the cruise...
CLICK HERE FOR MORE...
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.
They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly.
"I can't let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy.
"Sorry, can't let you in, either." said St. Peter. "You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously...
"It's not looking good for us Dick."
A rather inhibited engineer finallysplurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever donein his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the hugeship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to alife preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, aspring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and forhours on end and sat under the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, agorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared.
"I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?""Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat.""But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"