Cult Jokes

Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.

These are some memos found in the trash behind the primary building of
the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incompetents) in Washington, D.C. They're
probably classified information, and possession of them on your computer
system no doubt is considered a federal offense. Enjoy!
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
This small Wacko cult isn't giving in. Do you have any instructions?
Agent 2x3276
>To: ATF Agent 2x3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Try playing "Feelings" over and over again 24 hours a day. That should
get the point across.
The Director
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
Thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, playing "Feelings" over
and over again 24 hours a day has succeeded only in convincing the Wacko folks
that the end of the world is at hand. They're a bit less cooperative now.
Any more more...

Editor's Note: I'll warn you, it's in fairly bad taste.

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"Space Odd-Do-Ti" sung to David Bowie's "Space Oddity"

Ground control to Father John
Ground control to Father John
Put your purple shrouds and clean white Nikes on
Ground control to Father John
Commencing reboot, PC's on
Check our Web page and may Ti's love be with you

(lift-off)

This is Ground Control to Father John
We've all had alcohol
Mixed with applesauce and phenol-barbitol
Now it's time to just lie down and end it all

This is Father John to Ground Control
I'll castrate all the men
And rejoin our UFO and alien friend
And we can't wait' til Hale-Bopp returns again

For Rio's speaking for the camera
Far beyond insane
Planet Earth is due for a Y2K review

(break, instrumental)

Though I'm past 100 million more...

[Royters: Dateline Washington]
Joe Motzeratz Reporting
Justice Department Siege Section's Helicopters & Tanks Rolling Towards Redmond
With the clock ticking ever closer to the deadline imposed by the Justice Department and the leaders of the Redmond WA based cult promising a fight to the end, Attorney General Janet Reno has informed the Justice Department's Siege Section to start the helicopters and tanks rolling towards Microsoft's campus in Redmond Washington; as well as cutting off the avenues of escape for Cult Leader Gates to his fortified redoubt on the lake, known as "C:/"..
Attorney General Reno stated that with such a formidable foe as Microsoft, and their response to her edict, that it would have to be a Take No Prisoners operation as the threat to the community at large is even more egregious than the mentally troubled widow in Illinois, and a much greater threat than the situation that first propelled her to prominence.
Apparently, Attorney more...

[Royters: Dateline Washington]
Joe Motzeratz Reporting
Justice Department Siege Section's Helicopters & Tanks Rolling Towards Redmond
With the clock ticking ever closer to the deadline imposed by the Justice Department and the leaders of the Redmond WA based cult promising a fight to the end, Attorney General Janet Reno has informed the Justice Department's Siege Section to start the helicopters and tanks rolling towards Microsoft's campus in Redmond Washington; as well as cutting off the avenues of escape for Cult Leader Gates to his fortified redoubt on the lake, known as "C:/"..
Attorney General Reno stated that with such a formidable foe as Microsoft, and their response to her edict, that it would have to be a Take No Prisoners operation as the threat to the community at large is even more egregious than the mentally troubled widow in Illinois, and a much greater threat than the situation that first propelled her to prominence.
Apparently, more...