Cunt Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your cunt?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my cunt!" the woman yells back at him, "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your feet then".
This guy called up his doctor late one night and said, "Doc, I've got a terrible problem. A mouse ran up my wife's cunt."
"I'll be right over," the doctor said, "In the meantime, get a piece of cheese and hold it next to her snatch - maybe the mouse will come out on its own."
A few minutes later, the doctor arrived, only to see the man holding a fish up to his wifes hole. He said, "I told you to hold a piece of cheese to get the mouse out."
The guy said, "I know, but I've got to get the cat out first."
Q. What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
A. Nice tits!
Q. Why do they call it PMS?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's the difference between a muff-dive and a speed-trap?
A. With a muff-dive you always have a clear view of the cunt!!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why would a bloke give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A. Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and get fucked.
Q. What's the difference between a police car and a pair of knickers
A. You can only fit one cunt in a pair of knickers.
Q. What did Yul Brynner say to Freddy Mercury in heaven?
A. So the fags got you too! !
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q. What's the definition of a more...
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren. Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................ 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't more...
Once upon a time, there once was a traveling salesman who's wife was a well known sex addict. But because the man could not be home all of the time, he often worried about his wife's faithfullness. He had noticed that she had been eyeing the young neighbor boy who cut their lawn recently. So one day the man decided to try to do something about this. After work the man entered a sexual aid shop and asked the owner to show him the selection of dildos." Why yes, of course." said the owner, "We have a very wide selection." But after looking for quite a long time, the man just did not find anything that satisfied him." Well, maybe I have just what you need." remarked the owner, "Wait here." And with that, the owner ran into the back and started digging around for quite some time. After about twenty minutes, the owner finally came out carrying a strange, rectangular box with ancient writing all over it. He set the box down on the counter and opened it more...
wats red bumpy and itchy ? cunt rash do u get it ? yes so u do get cunt rash
One day a boy asks his dad,
what is the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
Dad thought for a minute and said come with me.
He took his son to his mothers bedroom, where she was sleeping nude.
Son he whispered, see that black soft furry patch, that is a pussy.
The boy asked,
may I touch it to see how soft and furry it is?
No replied his father,
that might wake the cunt up.