"NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING" joke

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren. Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................ 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't say8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don't say, Sir9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you10. He's a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive11. That's fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe12. You haven't got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today14. What sort of fucker are you You're new here aren't you? 15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go16. You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect you17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn't there that day18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour20. Fuck off I'll look into that and get back to you

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