Cup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yield: 4 Servings

Ingredients

6oz orange jell-o; (2 pkgs)
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1 qt vanilla ice cream; softened
7oz 7-up
8 twinkies

Instructions

Dissolve Jell-O in boiling water. Add pineapple juice, ice cream and 7-Up. Mix thoroughly (In a blender if necessary to dissolve ice cream), and pour into a deep pan, approximately 9-inches square. Chill until mixture begins to set.

Lay Twinkies, flat side down, in two rows of four across the top of the chilled gelatin. If the gelatin is properly chilled, it will resist the Twinkies. You will push them in and they will slowly rise. Remember you don't want them buried. Just semi-decended in the ooze. Chill until fully set and serve.

It is the world cup qualifiers in 2006 Brazil vs Scotland Carlos says "We can't be bothered to play Scotland they are to easy".
"I'll take them on single handedly" Ronaldo said. "You go to the pub."
So later on they check the score Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 0
Then they turn it of later on they say "the game should be finished check the score". Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 1 89: 00 mins
Then Ronaldo comes down and says "I let you down" NO you didn't you got a draw Carlos said "No I did I got sent of in the 12th minute.

Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"

Mom’s Brownies Recipe

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.

Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr “no, no. ”

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased more...

Mom's Brownies RecipeRemove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. more...

"Can you help me? asked Alice."No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her more...

Mailmans Last Day
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orangejuice. When he was truly more...