Curtain Jokes / Recent Jokes
The theatre lights turn off slowly. The curtain moves and in stage there is a man cleaning the bathroom. In the next room there is a man washing dishes. And in the room next to his we see a man making his bed. The curtain closes.
What is the play's name???
MIRACLES
A guy has a horny parrot. It’s terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, and the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.
The vet examines the bird extensively, says, “Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine. ”
The guy’s parrot is listening and says, “Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for? ”
Finally, the guy says “All right” and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain.
Suddenly, “Kwah! Kwah! Kwah! ” The cage starts shaking and feathers come flying out.
The vet says, “Holy gee, ” and runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he’s pulling out all her feathers. He’s more...
How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry more...
The Charade
The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The Charade player agrees.
Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young women.
The second and fourth ladies are holding their breasts, while the other five have their backs to him and are baring their behinds.
The charade player barely glances over them and says,' 'The William Tell Overture by Rossini.''
The flabbergasted producer says in awe,' 'You've done it!. That's the right answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!'' and hands him a check for a million bucks.
Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and ask him how more...
One day, a bar owner decided he had enough of the slow business and needed a gimmick. He finally decided on one. He got a horse and put it in the bar. He placed a sign over the horse and had the sign read.
"Pay $100, make the horse laugh win $1000" For years, the gimmick worked. Finally, a man walked into the bar saw the sign and asked, "Is that sign for real?" The bar owner told him it was.
The man paid $100, walked up to the horse and whispered something to the horse. The horse started to laugh falling to his knees.
The next day, the owner changed the sign.
Pay $100, make the horse cry, win $1000. For years the gimmick worked. One day, the same man walked into the bar and saw the sign. He paid the bar owner $100 and asked for a curtain. The man closed the curtain and then opened it a couple of moments later. The horse was now crying up a storm.
The man walked up to the bar owner and asked for his money. "Not so fast", the bar more...
Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail. He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading "Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation". Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway. After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed. After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and more...
A very drunk man looking for a whorehouse staggers into a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves his way over to the receptionist.
Without bothering to look up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, "Just stick it through the curtain."
Hoping something kinky was about to happen, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtain.
"That's not a foot!" the receptionist screams.
"Holy shit, lady," the drunk replies, "I didn't know you had a minimum."