Curtain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick
themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort
in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the
dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the
contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage
and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must
look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary
and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in
Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your
arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of more...

Lock Yourself And Your Family In Your House For 6 Weeks. Then Tell Them That At The End Of The 6th Week You're Going To Take Them To Disneyland For "Weekend Liberty." When The End Of The 6th Week Rolls Around, Inform Them That Disneyland Has Been Canceled Due To The Fact That They Need To Get Ready For Engineering-Certification, And That It Will Be Another Week Before They Can Leave The House.

In Your Grim, Gray Dumpster (Refer To #1), With 200 Of Your Not-So-Closest Friend (Cite Para. 12) Regardless Of Gender, Make Sure To Stay Long Enough That Everyone Has Hot Flashes, Mood Swings And Pms!

Sleep On The Shelf In Your Closet. Replace The Closet Door With A Curtain. Have You Wife Whip Open The Curtain About 3 Hours After You Go To Sleep. She Should Then Shine A Flashlight In Your Eyes And Mumble "Sorry, Wrong Rack."

Renovate Your Bathroom. Build A Wall Across The Middle Of Your Bathtub, Move The Shower Head To Chest Level. When You more...

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love.
He asked his wife to move out, with the understanding that he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.
The first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.
The second day she had the movers come and collect her things.
The third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining room table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each room, and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. more...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and more...

A preacher who advertised himself as a great healer set up a tent in a small rural town. That evening a man came in on crutches and said to him, "Ain't no doctor been able to cure my leg. Can you heal me?" "What's your name brother?" asked the preacher. "Bob" replied the man. "Bob, you just go behind that red curtain." A moment later, another man walked in and said, "S-s-sir, c-c-can you help m-m-me with m-m-my s-s-stuttering?" "What's your name brother?" asked the preacher. "John" replied the man. "John, you just go behind that red curtain." After 10 minutes of frenzied preaching and praising, the healer threw his hands in the air, raised his eyes to the ceiling, and dramatically shouted, "Bob, drop your crutches! John, say something!" A few moments passed before a voice behind the curtain said, "B-b-bob just f-f-fell on h-h-his b-b-butt."

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. more...

After 19 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The house was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love, so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given three days on her own there to pack up her things.
While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but more...