Cust Jokes / Recent Jokes

I work TS for an ISP, here are a few things that drive me nuts:
Tech: What is your User Name?
Cust: John Smith.
Tech: (searching for user name johnsmith to no avail) that's your USER Name, your login name?
Cust: Yep.
Tech: .. (search for cust acct by last name, find a million Smiths.. finally find their acct.) We have your user name listed as ''wolf231''.
Cust: Yep.
Tech: Not John Smith.
Cust: Yep.
Tech:...
-
Tech: What error message are you getting?
Cust: I'm not getting an error, it just won't connect.
Tech: Nothing comes up when you try to connect?
Cust: Nope, nothing happens at all. It doesn't say anything.
Tech: .. and nothing appears on the screen what-so-ever..?
Cust: Nope.
Tech: - Well.. What happens to lead you to believe that it isn't working?
Cust: It says Error 691, User Name or Password..
Tech: That's what we in the buisness call an ERROR MESSAGE.
-
Tech: What error message are you more...

NOTE: This is a true story of a real call to a computor company tech support.
One day a guy calls tech support. this is how it went...
Cust: Hello?
TS: Hello
Cust: Yeah, my cup holder broke and my computor is still under warranty, so I would like to get it replaced.
TS: Ummm cup holder?
Cust: yeah cup holder...
TS: Ummm did you get it with a promotional offer?
Cust: No
TS: Umm are you sure you got the right company?
Cust: Yeah
TS: Ummm... im sorry if i sound confused, because i am.
Cust: Well its square, and its on the front of the computor, and it comes out when you press a button...
At this point the Tech support guy had to put the guy on hold, so he could finish laughing...
The guy had broken his CD-rom drive, thinking it was a cup holder.