Cut Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.
He fell asleep, and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail, he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head--
Do you know what the moral of the story is?
Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail! !
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma
are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex more...
There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands. He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet. Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet. He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book. Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet. Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book... Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line.
It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.
This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums more...
I used to know this barbar for a long time. I alwasy cut my hair very short, because those days I used to play ruggby football. One I met this guy from jaffna whoes studing with me at Colombo university. Poor chap hardly speaks Sinhalese. So he came to me and said, Machang I need a hair cut so please take me to the barbar shop. I said O. K Lets go and I took him to this barbar shop and introduced Him to the barber. At that time there were few customers and I told My Friend I will back Later.
Once I came Back He was there with No1 Hair cut. I asked what happen. He said" that stupid Guy thought I need a short haircut like yours. So I asked Why dont You asked him to Stop. He said Yes I told him but he didn't stop until he finished with my hair.
I was so upset.
I went to the barbar and asked him why he get such a hair cut.
Barbar told me, I thoght he also need No1 hair cut like yours and
he din't stop me. Then I asked my friend what happen. He Said "I more...
Two longtime friends sipped Scotch in a local bar and talked about their troubles.
"And on top of everything else," said the first, "my wife has cut me down to just once a week."
"That's too bad," agreed his friend, "but it could be worse. I know two guys she's cut off altogether."
A do-it-yourself enthusiast has been banned by his wife from taking on any more tasks after causing about $30, 000 of damage. Christopher Andrews, 21, a pensions administrator, has left a trail of destruction in their two-bedroom terrace house in Wiltshire, south-west England.
While trying to change a washer on a tap, he went up into the loft to look for the stop-crock and disconnected two pipes, flooding the house. He later returned to the loft to look for the television aerial and crashed through the ceiling, showering plaster on his wife who was ironing.
When he wanted to lay a carpet in the bedroom, he knocked out the light bringing the roll of material into the house. He cut a large hole in the carpet rather than move the bed. Andrews once blacked both his eyes when a wheel brace slipped as he tried to change a punctured tire on the couple? s car.
He ruined a kitchen work surface by trimming off so much of it to make it fit that it ended up far more...