Cyril Jokes

Shadchen 1
A shadchen, having sung the praises of a female client, brought his excited male prospect to see her.
Cyril took one look at the girl to whom the shadchen elaborately introduced him and recoiled.
"What`s the matter?" asked the shadchen.
"You said she was young," whispered Cyril, "but she`s forty if she`s a day! You said she was beautiful, but she looks like a back of a bus! You said she was shapely, but she`s fat enough for two! You said --"
"You don`t have to whisper," said the shadchen. "She`s also hard of hearing."

Madame Freda
For months, Leah had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlour of Madame Sadie.
"Cyril, Madame Sadie is a real gypsy and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them. Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace. Cyril, for only £30 you can talk to your zaida who you miss so much."
Cyril could not resist and at the next seance, there was Cyril sitting under the coloured light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side of him. All were humming.
Madame Sadie, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. "My medium Vashtri, who is that with you? Mr Himmelfarb? Cyril`s zaida?"
Cyril swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grandpa? zaida?"
"Ah, Cyril?" a thin voice quavered.
"Yes, yes," cried Cyril, "this is your Cyril, zaida, are you happy in the other more...

Cyril was driving down Hendon Road when he gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Cyril's car, the policeman says, "I've come to tell you that your wife fell out your car some 2 miles back." Cyril replies, "Thank goodness, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cyril!
Cyril who?
Cyril nice to meet you!

Knock KnockWhos there! Cyril! Cyril who? Cyril thing - no imitations here!