Dad Jokes / Recent Jokes

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.' Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man.

"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Dad: Why is your January report card so bad? Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas!

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those
months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive", says the beaming boy to the his dad.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your
seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?" His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I have to tell you that the girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother about this.
The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated causing the same response from the dad.

So he decides to tell his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.
His mother smiling and said to him, "Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. Because You're not his son!!"

A man and his daughter were standing in the garden one day when the little
girl spots two spiders mating. Mary: Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? Dad: They're mating, honey. Mary: What's the one on top called? Dad: It's a daddy-longlegs. Mary: So the one on bottom is a mommy-longlegs? Dad: No, it's a daddy-longlegs, too. Mary: (thinks for a minute, then stomps on both spiders) Well, we're not having any of that crap in OUR garden!