Dad Jokes / Recent Jokes

Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.

Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time. Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad. His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1, 000, 000. He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes"." Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question." He did and came back and said, "She said yes." And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing." He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!

A father and his five year old son were at the beach, they saw two dogs engaged in the game of nature, the boy was inqusitive to find what the two dogs were doing so he asked hid dad " Dad what are the two dogs diong" the dad was embarased to explain to his smal son, so he said " Son the two dogs are having a fight and the dog on the top is winning ".
That night the smal boy suddenly woke up from bead hearing some noice and saw the father on top of his mother, boy was thrilled and shouted " keep it up dad, you are winning".

THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician.'' But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to Johnny. "My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't never gonnaspell electrician."

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom ask how was his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."

"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait for your father to get home!" says the mom.

Awhile later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him, he's been really bad today. Dad goes up to his son's room and asks why mom is so mad.

"I told her that I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.

"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about 13, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new bike you've been wanting!"

So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.

The boy more...

The Teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.

She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?" Ms. Jones asked.

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents, " Jimmy replied.

"That's also very nice more...