Dad Jokes / Recent Jokes

It is the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Carrie.

He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, Carries father answers and invites him in.

'Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' her dad said.

'That's cool', says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie's father responds' why don't you two go somewhere and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.'

Bobby, is not quite sure he heard correctly, so he asks Carries dad to repeat what was just said.

'Yeah', her dad says,' Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'

Well, this certainly made Bobby's emotions light up. Now he's REALLY looking forward to the evening.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces more...

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
police arrived and dug up the entire area without
finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left.
That same day the old man received another letter more...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad". With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

"Dear Dad"

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Lori and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad...

She's pregnant. Lori said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many, more children. Lori has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana more...

& father passing by his son`s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I`m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I`ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it`s not only the passion, Dad. She`s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana cocaine doesn` t really hurt anyone. more...

There are three guys walking together along the Welsh/English border...a Welshman, a Scot, and an Englishman. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out,' I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes.'

To this, the Scot says' I am a sheep herder. My dad's a sheep herder, his dad was a sheep herder, and my son will be one too. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms'...' FOOM!' all the land in Scotland was full of an infinite supply of sheep farms.

The Englishman was amazed. He said' I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out'...' FOOM!!' there was a wall around England.

The Welshman says' Tell me more about this wall.'

The genie says' Well, its about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.'

After a moment of consideration, the Welshman says' Fill it with water.'

My Dad was a workaholic. Everytime someone mentioned work, he got drunk.

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that missy was in heat. "What is heat?" Mom said go ask your Dad, he is outside working on car. Angela goes outside and ask her Dad if she can take missy for a walk, her Mom had said no, that missy was in heat. "What is heat Dad"? Go get the leash and bring her here. She goes and get missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swips her bottom with it. Now you can take her around the block one time. Angela goes down the street and comes back shorty with the leash and no missy. Dad says "where is missy?" Angela said "missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street.