Daddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Saturday morning... and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf
when he realises that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes
the washing machine is coming around at noon.
Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. "Hello?" Says a little
girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," Says Bob. "Is Mammy near the
phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank,
honey!"
"Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mammy!" she replies.
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do?? Put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mammy and Uncle
Frank that my car's
just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" she says.
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I more...

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already
too late.

Brake more...

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, "help, help, I am having a heart attack", the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says "daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet", husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob.
He yells at Bob, "Bob, damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids"!!!

One day, a five year old kindergarden child came to her dad and said "Daddy, Daddy guess what I learned today, in school." Her father asked, "What sweatheart?" The little girl replied, "Daddy I am Gay." Her father was astonished and asked why do you think you are Gay. The little girl replied, "I love mommy, so that means I am Gay." Her father explained that she wasn't Gay. So the little girl said, " Okay daddy, Then will you marry mr."


The End

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?"

"They're mating, Lucy" he replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" Lucy asked.

"Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs."

Lucy asked, "Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?"

Daddy replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!"

It seems little farm boy Johnny accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. “Hey Johnny!! ” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up. ” “That’s mighty nice of you, ” Johnny answered, “But I don’t think daddy would like me to. ” “Aw, come on, ” the farmer insisted. “Well okay, ” the boy finally agreed, and added, “But daddy won’t like it. ” After a hearty dinner, Johnny thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know daddy is going to be real upset. ” “Don’t be foolish! ” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he? ” “Under the wagon. ”