Daddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spidersmating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" "They're mating, Lucy" he replied." What do you call the spider on top Daddy?" Lucy asked." Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, "Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is aMommy Longlegs?" Daddy replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs." Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!"

A little girl the age of three years old walks into the bath room and see her daddy naked in the bath, she looks at her dads penis and says "Daddy whats that" her dad was quite imbarrased by this and said " oh its my dolly" the little girl said oh so can i play with ur dolly" and her daddy said "yes of course".
The next day she went down stairs and said "daddy can i play with ur dolly again" her daddy replied " Yes ok dolly would like that but we will have to play in ur bedroom today".
Next morning her mum went into the little girls bedroom and said "oh my whats all this blood in ur bed" the little girl replied " Daddys dolly spat at me so I bit its head off"

This little girl had a nightmare she goes into her moms room and says mommy can i take a shower with you and her mom said sure but dont look down but she looked down and said mommy what is that that is my bush.
the next night she took a shower with her dad and here dad said do not look down so she looked down and said daddy what is that that is my snake.
so the next night she open the door and asked mommy can i sleep with you sure dont look under the covers she did and she said daddy your snake is in mommy bush.

Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!

Shut up and eat around it.

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Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garbage compactor?

Shut up and chew!

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Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's too tough!

Shut up and keep chewing!

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Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?

Shut up and deal.

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Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!

Shut up and get away from the dart board!

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
''Hello?'' says a little girl's voice.
''Hi, honey, it's Daddy,'' says Bob.' 'Is Mommy near the phone?''
''No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.'' After a brief pause, Bob says,' 'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!''
''Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!''
''Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house.''
''Okay, Daddy!'' A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.' 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy.''
''And what happened?''
''Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, more...

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness. Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?" Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life. Without them we wouldn't be here." Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said. To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"

Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his
testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he
replied.
Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her
mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're
hanging on?"


The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably
long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one
look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."
"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."


One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and
was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle
hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she'd had
a party the night before in which the company played "Who's Whose" -
each of more...