Dads Jokes

There were three boys in class and the teacher asked them what their dads did for a living.
One kid says, My dads a doctor
Another said, My dads a Dentist
And a third boy said, My dads a stripper at a gay bar.
So after class the teacher talked to the boy. She asked, Is your dad really a stipper at a gay bar?
He replied, no he is a coach at The University of Texas I was Just to embarrased to say so.

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dads way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitchers mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!" One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!" The last boy said, "Your dads dont even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 4: 00 he gets home at 3: 30!"

Three young boys were in the schoolyard bragging about their dads.
"My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a poem, and they give him $50," the first boy said.
"Well, get this," the second boy said. "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a song, and they give him $100."
"I have both of you beat," said the third boy. "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the Scotch Tape is.
2. Think about it. It was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We are related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I more...

For all new dads, or those contemplating becoming a dad, it is necessary for you to learn these Words of Wisdom:
Don't ask me, ask your mother.
No one said life was supposed to be fair.
Close the door. Were you raised in a barn?
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
No! We're not there yet.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
You call that noise "music"?
As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.
When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.
Because I said so. That's why!
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
Do as I say, not as I do.
You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.
So, you think you're smart, do you?
What do I look like, a bank?
I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!
I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everyone else's father!
What part of NO don't you understand?
Enough is enough!
Don't make me stop more...