Dallas Jokes

A guy walks into a bar in Argentina. He sees a familiar character, albeit much older now, sitting at the bar. He approaches, examines his face, and asks:
"Excuse me, but aren't you Adolf Hitler?"
"Vy yes, I am Adolf Hitler."
"But I thought you were dead!"
"Ach. I get a lot of dat. But in fact, I am chust biding my time, planning a scheme to kill fifty million Jews and eight of der Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders."
"What?" the guy exclaims. "Why would you want to kill eight of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders?"
Hitler turns to another fellow sitting at the bar next to him. "You see vat I mean? Nobody gives a damn about da Jews!!!"

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Ron Price, a Dallas School Board member, asked the City Council to look into a law that would go after men who wore baggy pants and exposed their underwear. “It’s disgusting, disrespectful, and dishonorable”, said Price. Some Dallas residents may remember Price when he ran for City Council on the “You Crazy Kids, Get Off My Lawn” platform. Opponents to Price are calling the idea racist and targeting minorities, but most are just calling it a ‘complete waste of time’.
In other news, MC Hammer has canceled his trip to Dallas.

There's a lesson to be learned from the man in Dallas,who was caught with 100 pounds of marijuana in a coffin.Don't put all your pot in one casket!