Daniels Jokes

An Englishman was flying across the Pacific on Delta/Northwest
and decided he had to go to the bathroom. So he got up and started
walking down the aisle, but just as he passed the plane door it
malfunctioned, opened and he was sucked out.
Miraculously he survived landing in the water and saw a tropical
island nearby. He swam to it, certain that he would soon be rescued.
However, fifteen years passed and no one came to his rescue.
Fortunately there was a spring on the island and he survived on
coconuts and fish.
Finally one day, as he was drawing sand pictures at the beach, he sees
a woman in a trim-fitting scuba outfit emerge from the ocean. She is
beautiful! She says, "Are you Fred Quimby?" He says, "Why yes I am."
"Congratulations, I am from Rescue Inc., and we have been attempting
to find you since you were lost. Now tell me, how long has it been
since you've had a smoke?"
"Well, of more...

music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.
oboe: an ill wind that nobody blows good.
tenor: two hours before a nooner.
diminished fifth: an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
perfect fifth: a full bottle of Jack Daniels.
ritard: there's one in every family.
relative major: an uncle in the Marine Corps.
relative minor: a girlfriend.
big band: when the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.
pianissimo: "refill this beer bottle".
repeat: what you do until they just expel you.

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"
The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."
The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."
The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."
The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."
The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"

You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.Your pickup truck no longer has a back.The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.