Dark Jokes / Recent Jokes

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

- Drink' til she's cute, but stop before the wedding

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

- I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

- I intend to live forever - so far, so good

- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

- Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people more...

Two friends are walking their dogs together. One has a Doberman Pinscher and the other one has a chiuauah. They start to walk past this new restraunt that is having its grand opening. The guy with the Doberman asks his friend if he wants to go check it out with him, but the guy with the chiuauah points out that there are no dogs aloud. But the guy with the Doberman says do what I do, puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks in. The manager says, "Look pal there are no dogs allowed" but the guy with the Doberman explains that the Doberman is his seeing eye dog. in awe, the manager replies, "A doberman Pinscher?!" "Of course, they just started using them, and they protect me from muggers"
"Okay come on in" says the manager.
The guy with the chiuahuah sees this and puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks in. the manager agaian states that there are no dogs allowed. So the guy explains that this is his seeing eye dog. The manager questions more...

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guywith a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinschersays to the guy with a Chihuahua,' Let's go over tothat restaurant and get something to eat.' The guy with the Chihuahua says,' We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,' Just follow my lead.' They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the DobermanPinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walkin. A guy at the door says,' Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,' You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says,' A Doberman Pinscher?' He says,' Yes, they're using them now, they're very good.' The guy at the door says,' Come on in.' The guy with the Chihuahua figures,' What the hell,' so he putson a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says,' Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Chihuahua says,' You don't understand. This ismy more...

A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User`s Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
What do you call a Lada on a hill?
A bloody miracle.
One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, "Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day." Honnecker said, "Of course, my dear," but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, "But why would you have me do such a thing?" The mistress replied, "I want to be alone with you."
Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn`t there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat more...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds,
is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!". The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued more...

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?Because there were so many knights!