Darling Jokes / Recent Jokes

There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll.He brought her back to the States and they were very happy.He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have."Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt."So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt."A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's. Well the big day arrives and after a candle light more...

Brian came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.
"Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.
"How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" Brian asked nervously.
"Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.
"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Brian went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"
The wife looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."

There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the States and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt." So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt." A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's. Well the big day arrives and after a candle light more...

A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers:Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption:...on the loss of your remote control.Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together... Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon! Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself! Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner... Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary.Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In more...

"Do you serve women at this bar?"
"No, sir, you have to bring your own."
"Did you take a bath?"
"Why, Is there one missing?"
"Are you chewing gum?"
"No, I'm John Smith."
"Aren't you hot from the sun?"
"No, I'm Smith from the Times."
"Why did you park your car here?"
"The sign says: 'Fine for parking!'"
"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"
"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"
"Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."
"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner."
"Who wants to eat more...

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."