Deaf Jokes / Recent Jokes

The crime boss and his attorney meet with his accountant. "Where's the $3 million you embezzled from me?" demands the gangster. The accountant is silent. "Where's my $3 million?" the crime boss shouts.
The lawyer explains: "Sir, the man is deaf. Allow me to translate."
Using sign language, the attorney asks the accountant about the money; the message relayed back is that the accountant knows nothing about it.
Furious, the crime boss pulls out a revolver and puts it to the accountant's head, screaming at the lawyer, "Ask him again where my %#*!@#&*# money is!"
"Okay! Okay!" the deaf accountant signs back. "The money's hidden behind the old toolshed in my backyard."
"What did he say?" demands the enraged crime boss.
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black more...

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

( This joke has been told by many deaf people and has been recorded in
a few books on deaf culture. The interpretation of this joke is mine,
though. )
A deaf couple checks into a motel very late at night. Upon moving into
their assigned room, they go to bed. But in the middle of the night, the
woman has a headache, so she goes into the bathroom for aspirin. But she
finds none, and remembers that the bottle of aspirin is still in the car.
Afraid to go out alone at night, she awakens her husband and asks him to
go get the aspirin from the car. The very groggy husband puts on his robe
and toddles wearily outside. He finds the bottle of the aspirin in the car's
glove compartment, and gets ready to go back to the room when he realizes
something: he can't remember which room was his!
He thinks and thinks and then gets an idea. He opens the car again and
honks the steering wheel horn several times. Within a minute, all more...

Ram: “Can this parrot talk? ”
Shopkeeper: “Yes! it repeats everything it hears. ”
(after a few days, at the pet shop)
Ram: “This parrot cannot speak at all!! You said it repeats whatever it hears. ”
Shopkeeper: “I know! This is because it is deaf!!! ”

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

One day a certain lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"
So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, " I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."