Dealer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta, a furniture dealer from Ludhiana, decided to Expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Chennai to see what he could find.
After arriving in Chennai he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well Back home in Ludhiana.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bar and have a beer. As he sat enjoying his beer, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat.
Before long, a very beautiful young woman came to his table, asked him something in Tamil (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the Chair. He invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in Hindi, but she did not knew Hindi so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a beer glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of beer for her.
After sitting together at more...

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office
supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why. “I'll tell you why,” shouted Deacon Brown. “Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for
visitors to register.”“Well,” interrupted the dealer, “didn't you receive them yet?”“Oh, we received them all right,” replied Deacon Brown. “However, you sent us some golf pencils...each stamped with the words, ‘Play Golf Next Sunday.’”

(This got passed around Microsoft a few days ago. Thought you might
appreciate it. - Ellen)
Hardware Question of the Day
A dealer calls in, having problems with the interrupt jumpers on a bus mouse
card. After I informed this person that jumper information is on page 9 of the
Mouse User's Guide, and gave the proper jumper setting, the dealer said: "Can
you hold on while I give it a try?"
The telephone clicked against the desk on the other end as the receiver was
set down. The following conversation ensued:
(in whispers)
"He's right. It is on page 9."
"I told you to look in the book."
"I know, I know. He's still on the line. You talk to him."
"I didn't call him. I didn't screw up. You talk to him."
"Why don't you just hang it up. Maybe he won't notice."
"Okay."
Cluck. Click. Buzz (dial tone).
-Glen

What would happen if we priced our "COWS" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "CAR"? LIST PRICING A COW A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows: BASIC COW.................................................$499.9 Shipping and handling.......................................35.75 Extra Stomach.................................................79.25 Two Tone Exterior..........................................142.10 Produce Storage Compartment.......................126.50 Heavy Duty Straw Chopper.............................189.60 Four Spigot/High Output Drain System.............149.20 Automatic Fly Swatter.......................................88.50 Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...........................179.90 Deluxe Dual Horns............................................59.25 Automatic Fertilizer more...

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

Banta is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred of trees for you in one day."
So, Banta takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two trees, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.
"How can I cut for hours and only cut two trees?" Banta asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," Banta tells himself.
So, the next morning Banta gets up at 4:00 in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five trees. Banta is convinced this is a bad saw.
"The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a more...

The old farmer's mule had finally died of old age just before spring planting, so the farmer made a trip to town to buy another mule. His $125 didn't buy much, but he was satisfied with his purchase and he made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up the mule and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him. Early the next day, the old man returned. "Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden." The dealer offered Jim his money back, but Jim refused because a bargain was a bargain. He loaded the dead mule on his truck and left. A couple of months later, the mule dealer happened to drive by Jim's place and was astonished to see Jim working his garden on a new $4,000 garden tractor. Honking his horn, he called Jim over and asked him how in the world he had managed to buy a tractor when, not too long ago, all he had was the $125 more...