Debbie Jokes

Alan and his wife, Debbie, are working in the garden. Debbie bends over to rip up weeds.
'Wow, Debbie,' Alan says. 'Your butt is getting really wide.'
'No, it's not!' Debbie says.
Debbie walks towards the barbecue grill to throw the weeds in a trash can.
'Your butt is getting so big that it's almost wider than the grill!' Alan says.
He gets a tape measure and measures Debbie and the grill.
'Ha,' Alan says. 'Your butt's the same exact size as the grill!'
Debbie ignores Alan's comments and refuses to speak to him for three days. On the fourth night, they're lying in bed watching television.
'I could sure use some lovin',' Alan says.
Debbie looks over at him and yells, 'Don't think for one minute that I'm going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie!'

A scene from the movie Ruthless People. It's been a while but I'll try to retell the scene for anyone who hasn't seen it before.
Danny De Vito is in his office behind his desk and is being questioned by some geeky guy (I think a cop) sitting across from him. The phone rings and Danny answers...
Danny: "Hello"
Caller: "Is Debbie there"
Danny: "Debbie? Who's this?"
Caller: "Ralph"
Danny: "Ralph, Debbie's here but can't talk to you right now 'cause she's got my dick in her mouth! Want me to have here call you back when she's done?"
Caller: hangs up
Danny (to the geeky cop who's eyeballs are popping out): "I love wrong numbers!"

Blokes and golfers need to read this! It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she more...

Melbourne, Australia
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down and shot off their testicles.

The old lady spent a week hunting those men down - - and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: "Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God."

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up. The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, more...

In the sleepy city of Sherrill, N.Y., two unsuspecting adults have found themselves the objects of sleep deprivation research.
James Harden is currently in his tenth month of his study. His subjects, Debbie and Dennis Harden, have tried to foil his research to no avail. "Ferber" has failed and so has "The Family Bed."
Young James conducts his studies by awakening in the wee hours of the morning, standing up in his crib, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes, a backrub from Mom will put him back to sleep; but at other times, it takes the formula ritual. Sometimes James is actually hungry but most of the time he just wants to check how his research is going.
Just how far has he gone? Last week, James woke up too early; his parents were still up watching David Letterman. Dennis looked at his lovely wife and said, "I can't take this. I'm going to bed."
Debbie responded, "If you do that, I will kill you in your sleep." more...