December Jokes / Recent Jokes

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELERDecember 8: 6: 00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have more...

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Gloria.
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm absolutely delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Gloria
December 16th
Dear John:
Well, aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens.. they are simply darling, but I must insist... you're just too kind.
Love, Gloria
December 17th
Today, the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Gloria
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today, the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each more...

December 1stTO: ALL EMPLOYEESI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.Merry Christmas to you and your family.Patty Lewis - Human Resources DirectorDecember 2ndTO: ALL EMPLOYEESIn no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.Happy Holidays to you and your more...

***************************************************** CHRISTMAS PARTY*****************************************************FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: December 1RE: Christmas PartyI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take placeon December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open PitBarbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small bandplaying traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And, don't besurprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas treewill be lit at 1: 00 P. M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done atthat time, however, no gift should be over $10. 00 to make the giving ofgifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Aspecial announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty============================================FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All more...

December 26, 1999
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?!
That you have taken me for a more...

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2
"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far more...

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, MassachusettsTeen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows -The New York Times, March more...