Decision Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was sitting in class when the professor asked her if she knew what the Roe vs Wade decision was.
She sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound question and finally said,
"I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware."

Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience? Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned up after you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay. No longer, though. Today, you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese:

"Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for four?"
"Yes, Thank you."
"Smoking or non?"
"Non smoking."
"Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?"
"I guess indoors would be good."
"Very well, sir," he said. "Would you like to be seated in the main dining room, the enclosed patio, or our lovely solarium?"
"Uh, let me see... uh..."
"I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely solarium."
"I think the solarium would be lovely," I said.

We followed him there...
"Now, would you more...

Gates dies tragically (?) in a car crash. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St Peter. St Peter says, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the US, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell. I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision. ”
“Okay then, ” said Bill, “Let’s try Hell first. ”
Hell turns out to be a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of laughing, bikini-clad women running around, frolicking in the water. The sun was shining; the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven! ”
“Fine, ” said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high more...

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and more...

The political world was thrown into a frenzy today when Brett Favre announced that he's not only considering retiring from football but also considering running for President in 2008.

With his dramatic announcement, Favre becomes the only political candidate to be considering two plans for the future at the same time.

"This is just the kind of multi-tasking Americans expect from their next President," gushed political commentator James Carville on ABC's Meet the Press.

Favre emphasized that he wanted to make a decision in time for Democrats to draft another candidate in the event he decided not to run. "Which means y'all will know my plans sometime around late September in 2008," said Favre.

The Green Bay quarterback defended his decision to consider his decision to retire noting that he felt he still could perform at the professional level despite his advanced age and deteriorating skills and added, "Just like John more...

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUYPity us men......... If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk. If you thump her, it's wife bashing. If she thumps you, it's self defense. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you more...

Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter." Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before. . . I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." "So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the more...