Deck Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob justwent straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was
and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be
better.Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And
now, you come home more...

The captain of a ship hears his first mate calling from above deck, "captain, there is a pirate ship off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ship, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and bring me my red shirt". "Aye, aye captain," says the first mate, and carrys out the orders.
The men fight bravely, and after a long battle, defeat the pirates. The first mate asks the captain, "Well done sir, but why did you need the red shirt?" to which the captain replied "if I was wounded, I didn't want the men to see the blood and become disheartened, and so, lose the battle".
The next day, the captain hears his first mate calling from above deck "captain, there are ten pirate ships off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ships, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and more...

W:what did the dollar name his daughter?????
A:quator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Santa had asked Banta to help him out with the deck after work,
so Banta just went straight over to Santa's place. When they got to
the door, Santa went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Banta told Santa that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Santa said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Banta thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her.
His wife burst into tears.
Banta was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little chintu fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the more...

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town... or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me).
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

The Holiday Season
(To the tune of "Deck The Halls")
'Tis the season to be greedy!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Treat ourselves, forget the needy!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Charging gifts with wild abandon!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Credit limits not withstandin'!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Sing we now the spendthrift's carol!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Buying presents by the barrel!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
Throwing parties, being merry!
Fa la la la la, La la la la!
'Till bills come in January!
Fa la la la la, La La La La!!!