Deck Jokes / Recent Jokes

Several years ago the city of Birmingham decided to lease several English style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron bowl. On this bus, the Auburn fans were on the bottom level and the Alabama fans were on the top deck. as we started off to the stadium, all of the Auburn fans were making a lot of noise yelling "War Eagle" and having a good time. We noticed that the Alabama fans were quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck.
I decided to go up top and see what was wrong. As I arrived up top, I noticed that all of the Alabama fans had their hands clasped on the rail in front of them and they all were white as a sheet. I was stunned. I asked them why they all were so frightened?
They replied with fear in their eyes, "WE DON`T HAVE A DRIVER".

Dear Lee,
My Doctor and I went singing Christmas Carols last night... it was SO much fun! He had a brand new song book that we used, with many new versions of old favorites. Some of our other friends came also: Alphonse and his voices Ned, Peter, Daniel, Grimace, June, and Butch/Bitch (hee hee, even his *voices* have voices!); Gringo (you remember Gringo?), but they wouldn't let him out of the jacket; and Nutty Nadine, along with a few others. Everyone was asking for you, wondering when you'd be back... except for Nadine of course - she still says that's YOUR baby!
Here's a little preview for you from Dr. R. Terrycloth's new songbook:
Schizophrenia:
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality:
We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia:
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
Mania:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and...
or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expenses
Borderline more...

Darwin award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. This year winner was one of the
few Darwin Award nominees to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear
deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering
by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group
fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels'
deck.
Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the
pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel,
Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to more...

Dear Lee,
My Doctor and I went singing Christmas Carols last night. .. it was SO much fun!! He had a brand new song book that we used, with many new versions of old favorites. Some of our other friends came also: Alphonse and his voices Ned, Peter, Daniel, Grimace, June, and Butch/Bitch (hee hee, even his *voices* have voices!); Gringo (you remember Gringo?), but they wouldn't let him out of the jacket; and Nutty Nadine, along with a few others. Everyone was asking for you, wondering when you'd be back. .. except for Nadine of course - she still says that's YOUR baby!
Here's a little preview for you from Dr. R. Terrycloth's new songbook: Schizophrenia:
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality:
We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia:
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
Mania:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and. ..
or Deck the Halls and Spare No more...

Every sailing ship had to have cannon for protection. Cannon of the times required round iron cannonballs. The master wanted to store the cannonballs such that they could be of instant use when needed, yet not roll around the gun deck.

The solution was to stack them up in a square-based pyramid next to the cannon. The top level of the stack had one ball, the next level down had four, the next had nine, the next had sixteen, and so on. Four levels would provide a stack of 30 cannonballs. The only real problem was how to keep the bottom level from sliding out from under the weight of the higher levels.

To do this, they devised a small brass plate ("brass monkey") with one rounded indentation for each cannonball in the bottom layer. Brass was used because the cannonballs wouldn't rust to the "brass monkey", but would rust to an iron one.

When temperature falls, brass contracts in size faster than iron. As it got cold on the gun decks, more...

In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels' deck.

Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match.

The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much more...

A ship was travelling over a rough sea when all of a sudden a violent storm broke out.
The people on the boat were extremely scared of being thrown overboard so they all went downstairs. When the big waves started throwing the ship around there were still three people on deck who refused to go downstairs.
After a few hard knocks the ship was turned upside down and sank. The only survivors were the three guys who stayed on deck who washed up on a deserted island.
The next morning the guys decided that they would have to live together in harmony and they made an agreement to be friends.
Two days later after the three guys had built a shelter and found some fresh water and fruit, a bottle washed up on the shore. One of the guys walked up the beach and brought the bottle back to the shelter for the others to see.
Blaze, the smartest of the three said they should open it. Jay, the strongest of the three grabbed the bottle and pulled at the cork wedged tightly in the more...