Declined Jokes

An inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. One of the prison guards asked the inmate if he wanted something special for his last meal. The inmate declined the offer. Later, the prison guard asked the inmate if there was something special he wanted to do on his final day. Again, the inmate declined the offer. The following morning, as he inmate was being put before the firing squad, the guard asked him if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" asked the guard. The inmate thought for a moment, then replied, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, from beginning to end, without any interruptions." The guard nodded and agreed. "Go ahead," said the guard. The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the more...

A lawyer and a blonde woman were sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer leaned over to her and asked if sjie would like to play a fun game. The blonde declined and turned towards the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persisted, saying that the game was really easy and a lot of fun. He explained,' I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa.'
Again, the blonde politely declined and tried to get some sleep. The lawyer made another offer:' Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50.'
The blonde agreed. The lawyer asked the first question.' What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'
The blonde silently reached into her purse, pulled out a five-dollar bill, and handed it to the lawyer. Then she asked the lawyer,' What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer took out his laptop computer and searched all his more...

Diary of her six day Bahamas cruise DEAR DIARY. .. DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY. . DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY. .. DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
DEAR DIARY. .. DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino. did OK. .. won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. I told him there more...

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million; this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

A guy went to a bar and ordered a drink. He looked around the place and noticed a guy at a corner table with long hair and a beard, dressed in a robe and sandals.
When the bartender brought the drink he asked, “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ? ”
The bartender said, “As a matter of fact that is Jesus Christ. He comes in here some afternoons, drinks a glass of wine and leaves. ”
The guy says, “Well I’d like to buy him a drink. ”
The bar tender said, “Like I said, He just drinks one, but I’ll tell him you offered. ”
The bartender went over and told Jesus of the offer but He declined.
About that time another stranger walked in and sat next to the first guy. He saw Jesus and said something to the first guy about it. The first guy told him the story and how he’d offered a drink but He only drinks one.
About that time Jesus was ready to leave. He walked up to the first guy, extended His hand and said, “Hi, I’m Jesus and more...