Defendant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A judge asked a defendant, "How many times have you been to jail?"
"Nine, your honor"
"Nine? In that case, I'll have to give you the maximum sentence."
"Don't you give your regular clients a discount? " asked the defendant.

A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.

"Not Guilty, your honor."

Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here on tape?"

"Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another' heinous' crime. .. gambling."

"Gambling?" responds the prosecutor. "How so?"

"Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her,' I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight'. That videotape is just more...

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

A defendant in the lawsuit involving a large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

"If I lose the case, I'll be ruined," he said.

"It's in the judge's hands now.", said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"Oh, no," said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courhouse with his lawyer, he said," Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you had sent them."

"But I did send them."

"You did?"

"Yes. That is how we won the more...

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim? Defendant: No, I did not. Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury? Defendant: Yes, I do. And theyre a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the defendant, "What are you being prosecuted for?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.
"That's not a crime," replied Judge Judy.
"How early were you doing you Christmas shopping?"
"Before the store opened," replied the defendant!!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well ", the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.
" The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out