Delegate Jokes

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?". The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.
A little later, it was "Likee fishee" and "Likee meatee" and "Likee fruitee" and always the response was an affable nod.
At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of the American neighbor.
When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbor and with a mischievous twinkle in this asked "Likee speechee?'

Chinese Delegate At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?". The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly. A little later, it was "Likee fishee?" and "Likee meatee?" and "Likee fruitee?" and always the response was an affable nod. At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of the American neighbor. When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbor and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, "Likee speechee?"

In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world. The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans." Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more." The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production." Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!" "Proud to be a Filipino."

A South African delegate visits Russia on a State visit. One evening, after dinner, the host of the party invites the South African delegate to participate in the game of Russian Roulette. Before he got a chance to answer, he was drawn into a sideroom. Here he was given a gun with only one bullet in the magazine. He was instructed to spin the magazine, point the gun at his head and shoot. Now obviously he did not wish to carry out this dangerous sport but he did so as for not to offend to Russian's "ritual" Luckily he did not get the bullet but was clearly very shaken by the experience.
Some time later the very same Russian paid a return visit to South Africa. Now the South African felt that he could get his own back so he drew the latter into a side room.
"Now it your time to play SOUTH AFRICA'S roulette. Go into this room and there you will find seven women. Any one of these will give you a Blowjob..."
"So, what's the catch?" asked the more...

When all else fails, try the boss`s suggestion.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder.

When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.

When in doubt, take all the time you need to get all the facts, or all the time you have, whichever is less.

When in doubt, use brute force.

When in trouble, delegate.

When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules.

When it`s you against the world, bet on the world.

When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity. For every week you are away and get nothing done, there is another week when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Yuppie pregnant women don`t go into labor, they go straight into management.