Delegate Jokes / Recent Jokes

When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder.
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
When in doubt, take all the time you need to get all the facts, or all the time you have, whichever is less.
When in doubt, use brute force.
When in trouble, delegate.
When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules.
When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity. For every week you are away and get nothing done, there is another week when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
Yuppie pregnant women don't go into labor, they go straight into management.

In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world. The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans." Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more." The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production." Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!" "Proud to be a Filipino."

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations: China Delegate:' By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project.' Russian Delegate:' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.' Bill Clinton:' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.' Malaysian Delegate:' By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.' There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate:' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?' Malaysian Delegate (smiling):' I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'

A South African delegate visits Russia on a State visit. One evening, after dinner, the host of the party invites the South African delegate to participate in the game of Russian Roulette. Before he got a chance to answer, he was drawn into a sideroom. Here he was given a gun with only one bullet in the magazine. He was instructed to spin the magazine, point the gun at his head and shoot. Now obviously he did not wish to carry out this dangerous sport but he did so as for not to offend to Russian's "ritual" Luckily he did not get the bullet but was clearly very shaken by the experience.
Some time later the very same Russian paid a return visit to South Africa. Now the South African felt that he could get his own back so he drew the latter into a side room.
"Now it your time to play SOUTH AFRICA'S roulette. Go into this room and there you will find seven women. Any one of these will give you a Blowjob..."
"So, what's the catch?" asked the more...

When all else fails, try the boss’s suggestion.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder.
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
When in doubt, take all the time you need to get all the facts, or all the time you have, whichever is less.
When in doubt, use brute force.
When in trouble, delegate.
When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules.
When it’s you against the world, bet on the world.
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity. For every week you are away and get nothing done, there is another week when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
Yuppie pregnant women don’t go into labor, they go straight into management.

The state of the world had reached such cataclysmic proportions, that the religious leaders of the planet decided that it was time to get together and put past differences behind them. Only through godliness, it was felt, would the human race have a chance to survive. If believers in different faiths could get along, then all the non-believers in the world would follow suit.
A big conference was held in Geneva, which was attended by all the leaders of the world's major and not so major religions. However, it soon became apparent that the job at hand was not going to be as simple as they thought. After all, hadn't religion been the main cause for persecution, war and general bloodshed for thousands of years? All the participants decided that they would go away for six months in order to discuss matters with their co-religionists to look for compromises that could be made. In this way, it was hoped, believers would find other creeds more palatable.
For half a year, the whole more...