Delhi Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lars SchumannA Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a long search he could not find any place to you-know, and eventually couldn't control himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself. As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official approached him, "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?" Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee" Police: "No PP here okay? Follow me." The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around. Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day". Pakistani tourist: "Oh Sir,. ...... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?" Police: "No....... this is The Pakistani Embassy!"
"Good morning, bapu and bibi jis. This is your very handsome captain welcoming you to Ranj-Jet Airways. Sorry we are four days late in taking off but I had to do some overtime at the bakery. This is the ek, dho, five, sex flight to New Delhi. We cannot guarantee that we will end up in Delhi but rest assured it will be somewhere in the East. And if you are very lucky we may even be landing on your village! A real Punjabi will land where he wants to, isn't that right brothers! Today we have 12 passengers on the plane - which is a bit of a problem because we only have 5 seats! Hmmm. For safety reasons we will be counting all the passengers again during and after the flight. We have a very good record for safety. In fact we are so safe even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I am pleased to tell you that over 50% of our passengers end up at their destination. For those of you who don't make it, don't worry, our staff have lots of experience consoling the next-of-kin. If, more...
A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station. When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire. The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys.
To escape the scorching heat of the plains, the big guns of the government during British rule used to move up to Shimla for almost five months, from mid May to mid-October. The Viceroy and his large retinue always travelled by a special train which left Delhi at night and reached Kalka early next morning. Tight security was maintained all along the line and every station master was required to send a telegraphic message to Delhi as soon as the train passed his station. Of particular importance was the railway bridge over river Ghaggar near old Chandigarh (now called Chandi Mandir) where the train usually arrived at about 4 a. m. The old station master there used to spend a sleepless night from tension. There is a story that once in typical railway English, he sent the following telegram after the safe crossing of the train over the bridge: "His Excellency passed away peacefully."
Q)Why is our Delhi Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell of a robbery two days in advance.
One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing? " Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here? " Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi? Sardarji cooly replied It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"
ONCE SANTA WENT TO DELHI. WHEN HE CAME BACK, HE SAW BANTA'S LEFT HAND WAS CUT.
SANTA ASKED,"WHAT HAS HAPPENED, TELL ME?"
BANTA SAID,"WHEN I WAS WORKING, MY HAND GOT INTO THE MACHINE."
SANTA SAID,"ITS GOOD THAT YOUR LEFT HAND GOT INTO THE MACHINE, SO YOU CAN DO WORK.
BANTA SAID,"ACTUALLY MY RIGHT HAND GOT INTO THE MACHINE BUT AT LAST MOMENT I TOOK OUT IT, AND I PUT MY LEFT HAND INSIDE."