Engines Jokes

It seems that once upon a time Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev were all
traveling together on this train from Moscow to Vladivostok when,
at one point, the engines stuttered and the train came grinding to a halt.
Two hours later, nothing more had happened; the train was still stopped.
Stalin got up. "I'll take care of this."
He went out and had all of the engineers and train-workers shot.
He came back into the compartment and sat back down.
"That should take care of it."
Two more hours passed; the train has not moved.
Khrushchev got up. "I'll take care of this."
He went out, found a few engineers hiding in the rear of the train,
and, after a while, managed to persuade them to start working on the
train again. He came back into the compartment and sat down.
"That should take care of it."
Ten minutes later there was this loud groaning noise from the engines;
the train lurched forward and more...

A mighty fire had been raging at a Texas oil refinery. Fire engines from all around had tried in vain to get close enough to the fierce blaze to put it out, but the heat was so intense that no one could even get near the burning oil and gas. Hundreds of fire trucks from far and wide had been called and now they all just sat wondering what to do.
Suddenly, an old fire engine from a tiny fire company appeared in the distance. It was the only truck from a tiny town and had been driving all night in response to this alarm. To the amazement of all of the firemen, the tiny truck sped right past the other fire engines and came to a leisurely halt right at the base of the fire. The men in the tiny truck leaped out, doused themselves with water from their own hoses, and proceeded to extinguish the fire.
The next dat at an awards ceremony for the 6 heoic men of the tiny fire company, the Governor presented the fire chief with a check for $20,000.
"What do you think your fire more...

Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captains voice came over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There's nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick."Five minutes later he said, "Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late."A moment later, "Er...sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected."One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we'll be here all night ?"

Lazzy Airlines
-Passengers on a Lazzy flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lazzy Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and more...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Texan, and Mexican are flying on a small plane with their friends. Near the end of the flight, they notice two engines catch fire.

The pilot comes out and says, "One of our engines caught fire, and we need to have three people jump in order to save the rest of the passengers.

The Englishman stands up, yells, "Long live the queen!", and jumps out.

The Frenchman stands up, yells, "Viva la France!", and jumps out.

The Mexican stands up, and looks out of the door, considering jumping, when the Texan pushes him out, and yells, "Remember the Alamo!"