Democracy Jokes / Recent Jokes
* FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
* PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
* BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by former chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the rules say you should need.
* FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
* PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
* RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You more...
The United States of America apologizes to the People's Republic of China for allowing our slow, lumbering reconnaissance plane to be hit by your poorly trained, hot-dogging fighter pilot, while flying in international airspace.
We're sorry we have to fly surveillance missions to monitor a country that has nuclear missiles pointed at us.
We're sorry your pilot didn't follow international standards of fighter intercept protocol.
We're sorry his aircraft recognition skills were so poor he didn't realize the EP-3 aircraft was propeller driven and flew his aircraft through its propeller arc, destroying his aircraft and nearly killing 24 American crewmen.
We're sorry your fighter pilot's survival training and equipment was so inadequate that he couldn't survive until your poorly trained and equipped navy could find him (they turned down our offer for search and rescue assistance).
We're sorry you violated international law and arrested the crewmen of an aircraft that more...
DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWS
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of more...
I just watched clips of the Jill Carrol interview where she describes being captured by insurgents.
Holy shit! I'm not going to mention the name of the religion I'm about to make fun of because I don't want to be killed with a curvy sword. Let's just say that it's crazy and people who believe in it can't have, and don't deserve, democracy. The only way to keep those people in line is with a ruthless dictator with a powerful mustache willing to wipe them out with poison gas when they get too whoopy and dancey. Please understand that I use the term "those people," merely to illustrate that I don't understand or like them.
Here is an example of me making an effort to learn about this religion and not judge it. It's a transcript of me talking to a friend of this persuasion who I like to get fucked up with.
Me: So why is it wrong to eat pork? Why would God make an unclean animal?
Dusky Friend: That's a common misconception. Actually, it's not that the pig is more...