Dennis Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the sleepy city of Sherrill, N.Y., two unsuspecting adults have found themselves the objects of sleep deprivation research.
James Harden is currently in his tenth month of his study. His subjects, Debbie and Dennis Harden, have tried to foil his research to no avail. "Ferber" has failed and so has "The Family Bed."
Young James conducts his studies by awakening in the wee hours of the morning, standing up in his crib, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes, a backrub from Mom will put him back to sleep; but at other times, it takes the formula ritual. Sometimes James is actually hungry but most of the time he just wants to check how his research is going.
Just how far has he gone? Last week, James woke up too early; his parents were still up watching David Letterman. Dennis looked at his lovely wife and said, "I can't take this. I'm going to bed."
Debbie responded, "If you do that, I will kill you in your sleep." more...

In the sleepy city of Sherrill, N.Y., two unsuspecting adults have found themselves the objects of sleep deprivation research.James Harden is currently in his tenth month of his study. His subjects, Debbie and Dennis Harden, have tried to foil his research to no avail. "Ferber" has failed and so has "The Family Bed."Young James conducts his studies by awakening in the wee hours of the morning, standing up in his crib, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes, a backrub from Mom will put him back to sleep; but at other times, it takes the formula ritual. Sometimes James is actually hungry but most of the time he just wants to check how his research is going.Just how far has he gone? Last week, James woke up too early; his parents were still up watching David Letterman. Dennis looked at his lovely wife and said, "I can't take this. I'm going to bed."Debbie responded, "If you do that, I will kill you in your sleep." Dennis went to get the more...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly.' 'In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man.' 'Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse Dennis Miller Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. Slappy White I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. Robert Paul It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. Dennis Miller I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K Jerome

A newlywed couple goes to bed early on Christmas night. The wife awakes in the middle of the night, wakes her husband and says: "Honey, Honey wake up! I had the most amazing dream!"
Husband: "Huh, what was it?"
Wife: "In my dream I saw a Christmas tree that was decorated with all different kinds of dicks. There was big ones, small ones, black ones, white ones, and at the top of the tree was the perfect dick: it was long and thick!"
Husband: "Well, it was my dick, right?" Wife: "No, it was Dennis Rodman's!"
The husband, somewhat annoyed that his wife awoke him to tell him about a dream about Dennis Rodman's dick, rolled over and went to sleep. Later that evening the husband awoke and wakes his wife and says: "Honey, I had the most amazing dream!" Wife: "What was it?"
Husband: "In my dream I saw a Christmas tree that was decorated with all different kinds of pussy's. There was tight ones, more...

Dennis sinned.

Dennis and Edna sinned.

Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen sinned.

Lonely Tylenol.

If I had a hi-fi.

Rise to vote, sir.

Bombard a drab mob.

Emit no tot on time.

O, stone, be not so.

Lager, sir, is regal.

No, it is opposition.

Pull up if I pull up.

Niagara, O roar again.

Yawn a more Roman way!

A car, a man, a maraca.

Rot can rob a born actor.

Sit on a potato pan, Otis!

Rats live on no evil star.

Ma is as selfless as I more...