Department Jokes / Recent Jokes

An extremely flat-chested woman decided she needed a bra, so she set out to the shopping mall in search of one in her size.
Her first stop was at an upscale department store, where she approached the saleslady in lingerie and asked, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she was rebuffed in much the same manner.
After trying a third department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove over to Walmart.
Stomping up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned her blouse, threw it open and yelled, "Do you have anything for this?"
The clerk looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond ear rings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."
The wife is more...

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ''I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'' The husband says, ''WHAT??'' The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ''But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it.'' The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe more...

Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a new one. Department supervisor (2) sends order form to maintenance department. Maintenance department clerk (3) decides whether to make it priority case. Job booked. Supervisor (4) decides whether it should be done individually or with other jobs. Order is placed in maintenance man's pigeonhole. Maintenance man (5) fills in ticket describing job. He picks up the parts needed. He goes to scene of faulty lightbulb. He fits bulb or discovers he cannot mend light. He returns to department and reports back. He completes work ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is checked by maintenance department to see whether order carried out. Then checked to see task completed in time set out under department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member of department (6) checks ticket against department work plan. Details go into department's workload report.

Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you've created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of "business," there's no telling how far you'll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of appearances.
Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone marketing survey.
Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria.
Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, "Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!"
Reality: You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you have said, "Yeah, this job is terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining... Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!"
Appearance: You are more...

Erik Estrada, LaToya Jackson and Ozzie Osbourne's son, Jack have been sworn in as reserve officers of the Muncie, Indiana police department, allowing them to carry badges and guns as part of a new reality television series, Armed and Famous.
Network executives settled on the show's title after rejecting the more cumbersome, Armed and Looks Vaguely Familiar.
The show is already mired in controversy as the Muncie Police Department faces a copyright infringement lawsuit from the producers of Reno 911.
In New York City, Port Authority officials scrambled to add more buses on the New York-to-Muncie route to accommodate the needs of parolees, career criminals and civil attorneys.*

Plans are already in the works for a spin-off show in which high school students are given guns and a license to hunt down D-list celebrities to fulfill their school's community service requirement.






*Categories not mutually exclusive

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.Congress said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.Then Congress said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.Then Congress said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.Then Congress said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.Then Congress said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, more...