Department Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a blonde whose house was on fire. She calls the fire department screaming, ''Help me, help me. My house is on fire. Please!'' The fire department operator says, ''Okay, okay. Calm down and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?'' The blonde answers, ''Duh, in that big red truck!"

There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop. There was NOTHING going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were about more...

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant." "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. "Simple," said the Department manager..."Your fellow applicant put down on question #5,' I don't know.' You put down,' Neither do I.'"

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this warning...
"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognise the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper."

When Oscar went away on vacation, his brother Harry promised to take care of his cat. The next day, Oscar called Harry to see how the animal was doing.

"Your cat is dead," said Harry, matter-of-factly.

"Dead?" said the shocked Oscar. "Why did you have to tell me like that?"

"How should I have told you?" asked Harry.

"Well, " said Oscar, "the first time I called, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said my cat was on the roof, but the fire department was getting her down. The second time I called, you could have told me the cat fell out of the fireman's arms and broke its neck. The third time I called, you could have said the vet did everything he could, but Fluffy passed away. That way it wouldn't have been so hard on me."

"I'm sorry," said Harry.

"That's all right. By the way, how's mother?"

"She's up on more...

70s fashion model, Twiggy, decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAA-AAA-AAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so Twiggy left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

A man who worked for the fire department came home from work and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire department: Bell 1 rings, we all put on our coats; Bell 2 rings, we all slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we are on the truck ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, you strip naked; Bell 2, you jump into bed; Bell 3, we are going to make love all night long!"

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1." She took off all her clothes.

"Bell 2." She jumped into bed.

"Bell 3." They began to make love!

After about 2 minutes she yelled, "BELL 4!!"

He said, "What the hell is Bell 4?"

"MORE HOSE!! MORE HOSE!!" she said. "You are nowhere near the fire!!"