Dere Jokes

Two Swedish coal miners (Sven & Olaf) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Sven pulled out a thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
That night Olaf goes home but forgets what it is called again. Well Olaf really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is.
The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows more...

Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new camper. As usual, they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. Sven was just starting down a grade to go under a bridge when he slams on the brakes.Ole: Vat da heck you do dat for, Sven?Sven: Dat sign dere says "Low Bridge. No Vehicles Over Twelve Feet High." Dis here camper is t'irteen feet!Ole: Cripes almighty Sven, dere ain't no cops around. Yust hit da gas pedal and go for it!

Ole and Sven are neighbors in Minnesota. Ole is in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Wisconsin. He drives over to Wisconsin, looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out, however, so after some discussion, Ole decides to buy the cow anyway and take it home. He calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Come here and look at dis new cow I yust
bought. Pull her teat and see vat happens dere." Sven reaches under and pulls; the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis cow over dere in Visconsin, yah?" Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dats right, how did you know dat?" Sven says, "My vife is from Visconsin!"

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that ole lazy cajun..."

He decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without any problems.

The first question the boss asked was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and draws three oak trees. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Boudreaux says, "Tree' n' tree' n' tree makes nine."

The boss says, "Fair enough." "Second question, same rules, but this time represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere ya go, sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Boudreaux says, "Each tree is dirty more...

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry,

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's Hiace to drive to the top of the Conor Pass.

At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says; "Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me."

PART TWO:

Moment's later Seamus arrives more...