Designated Jokes

A cop decided to wait outside of a local bar one night. Drunk guys came out of this bar at night, like rats from a sinking ship, to drive home. It was closing time, and one guy stumbled out and almost fell on the curb. The drunk tried to unlock five cars before he finally found his. By this time everyone had left the bar. When the drunk pulled out, the cop pulled him over and said, "Sir, get out of he car. You're under arrest for DUI." The cop made the drunk blow a breathalyzer test, and the results were 0. 0. The cop asked, "How can this be?" The guy said, "Because I'm the designated decoy!"

Here`s an idea. Why not combine the designated driver and the designated hitter, so that after the 7th inning the DH drives all the drunk fans home.

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away, and the police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
To the cop's amazement, the results showed a reading of 0.0!
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

My designated driver drove me to drink.

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.
A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0. 00.
Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on. The driver looked at him innocently and said, “Well, tonight I’m the designated decoy. ”