Desire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Girl Lingo:The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish? The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go looking for sex more...
The Laws Of Golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant, "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more more...
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing herfull lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his softmurmurs of assurance.He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothlyreleased her from her constraining attire. With a sigh ofsurrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh.He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldlytaking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that hadgone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasywas within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"Then, with a sudden more...
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the more...
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK." The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, "Buk Buk BuKKOOK!" The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!" The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit more...
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK." The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, "Buk Buk BuKKOOK!" The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!" The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was more...
Dear Shrink,
It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They kept shrieking over and over that more...