Desire Jokes / Recent Jokes

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining. The list of ingredients is as follows:
1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable weight.
8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them and dice them.
32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
3 gallons chicken stock.
salt, pepper, to taste.
Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.
Saute' the onions, carrots, and celery ina large pan, using some olive oil, until tender.
Brown the diced elves in the same pan until lightly browned. Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, more...

Finally there's a logical explanation to the confusion and complexity of the game. You might just enjoy these:
Tour Through The Absolute Laws of Golf
The 1st Tee: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime.
The 2nd Dogleg: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
The 3rd Hole: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
The 4th Fairway: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should immediately be cut down.
More on the Laws of Golf...
The more...

These laws were given to me by an old friend who carried has them around in his golf bag for, judging by the age of the paper (and his golf bag), decades. True golfers should understand the words layed out here.
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what more...

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK. ’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, ’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK! ’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, ‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook! ’ The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, “Rrredit Rrredit more...

Girl Lingo: The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys. The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first. The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings. The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy. The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish? The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage. The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman. Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party. The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover. The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go more...

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say,' Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say,' Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

As he approached the haberdashery counter of a large department store, a well-dressed gentleman was greeted by a shapely clerk. "Good afternoon," she murmured softly, "and what is your desire?" "My desire," he said, after giving her a long, appreciative look, "is to sweep you into my arms, rush you out of this store and up to my apartment, mix a pitcher of Martinis, put on some soft music and make mad, passionate love to you. But what I need is a pair of socks."