Desk Jokes / Recent Jokes

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of school, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that year.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.

A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

Three guys are applying for job with the CIA. They got all the
way to the final test.
So the first guy walks into the directors office and sits down.
The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. Lays it
on his desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to
test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go
into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there.
Put a bullet in her head." The guy looks at him and says,"no
way." So the director says, "You fail."
The next guy comes in. The diresctor tells him the same thing.
Guy picks up the gun and head for the room. Comes back about 15
minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go
through with it. The director says, "you fail."
So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the
room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of
ruckus(glass breaking, funiture getting more...

A school teacher injured his back and was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still wearing the cast under his shirt, he found he was assigned to the toughest class in the school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.
As he worked at his desk, a strong breeze from the window made his tie flap around. He kept trying to rearrange it and finally, getting so annoyed with the flapping, he grabbed the stapler from his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was never a problem in the class from that day on.

1.(Of course) Laugh hysterically and for no reason.
2. Pretend you holding something like a small knife and swing at the air as if you are trying to cut something. If someone asks, say you were misinterpreted or deny the whole thing.
3. Wear headphones everywhere you go, leaving the plug dangling out, easily seen, and then stationary knod, as if to a beat. Pretend not to hear anyone unless they touch you to get you attention. Periodically forget to take off headphones when you are touched and act confused when you cannot hear them.
4. Sit in front of a library computer and twitch your eyelid for 20 seconds, the get up and browse the fiction E section. Repeat.
5. Sit in front of a public computer on Windows 95, 98, or 2000. Click the start button. Click it again... and again. After clicking it for about 10 minutes, declare that you need another computer because your start button is broken. When someone proves it is not broken, say "Black magic! You all use black more...

Universal resume translator
I know how to deal with stressful situationsI'm currently on long term Prozac treatments.
I am able to take the time to interact wellI take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I have strong communication skillsI talk too much.
I'm proud of my organizational skillsI love to tell other people what to do.
I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organizationI've used Microsoft Office some.
I'm honest, hard-working and dependableI only pilfer office supplies.
My pertinent work experience includesTo say nothing of all the McJobs I've had.
I take pride in my workI blame others for my mistakes.
I'm balanced and centeredI keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
I have a good sense of humorI know a lot of corny, old jokes and tell them badly.
I'm personable and interested in othersI give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'm willing to relocateI've just been evicted again.
I more...