Desk Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Store manager is under her desk lacing up her new shoes, and there is a new worker awaiting her instructions on what to do.

"GO clean that window over there, oh and the cleaning supplies are on top of the desk" The manager says.
She grabs the stuff in silence and goes at it.. cleaning the window she sees a bird flying towards her...
she says, "birdOOHH"
The manger says ... "no hun my names is Brenda"...
bird hits the window pop!!
She goes on cleaning thinking about the window and how she could explain what just happened..
then all the sudden a big house falls from the sky HOOMOOHH!!
the manager drills her head on the table... "oh no!!?"the manger says... "did that just happen"
The new worker turns around and says' "oh yes it just F****** did." (millionSSparks.com)

1. A stained dress.

2. An open and empty condom wrapper.

3. A memo from Accounting Department requesting a meeting to review his recent purchases on the company credit card?

4. Nonchalantly drop lingerie and then kick it under the front of his desk (where he can't see it, but visitors can) early in the morning before an important meeting. Then, during the meeting, stare quizzically at the floor under his desk.

5. Thong, lace bra the morning after the company Christmas party.

6. First, simply hide pot seeds and watch as your clueless boss waters and nutures the plants daily. Second, watch as boss is escorted out of the building three months later by security.

7. 32 beepers, all stashed in different places. Borrow them from managers who are forced to wear them 24 hours a day. Page a different beeper every 15 minutes. This works especially well if you also switch his morning decaf with espresso.

8. Put a piece more...

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.
Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.
Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly more...

This is a true story from the WordPerfecthelpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currentlysuing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect CustomerSupport employee with a caller: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There more...

Alright, so i'm about to go to the 6th grade but in the 5th grade i did something stupid.
Alright, so I recently got a really cool pen that gives you messages when you click it. Here is my story.
One day i brought the pen to school. During the spelling test I realized I couldn't find my pen! After the test I told the teacher about the pen. Everyone looked and we even spent most of recess looking. Some people looked in their desk or even cleaned their desk. Then I found it in my pocket!

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see." A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?" The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please! I'm going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don`t disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That`s a good point, Sparky." "No, I`m sorry, but I`m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you`re doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I`ll be in the bathroom."
Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven`t lost them as much since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the more...