Desk Jokes / Recent Jokes

You’ve seen many of your friends retire, so now you’re wondering, “Is it time for me to take retirement? ” Well, let us help you. Here are the signs you should watch for:
Have the beautiful young ladies in the office begun to confide in you?
Have you had to play Santa Claus at the last five office Christmas parties?
Does the guard at the front desk greet you each morning with, “Hello, Pops! ”
Are you the only one at the coffee dispenser who actually was some where when JFK was shot?
Do you get invited out to lunch with the young salesmen because you’re the only one with a full-size car?
Instead of mints and TicTacs, is your desk drawer full of Tums and Metamucil?
Do you find staff meetings are the best time to catch up on your sleep?
Besides the custodian, are you the only one who has keys to every door in the building?
Nowadays, when someone needs help with a heavy box, is it you?
Are you the only one in the office who more...

Many of us have been there. Something just doesn't click with the new boss. Or maybe we're just horribly incompetent, or miserably incapable of performing up to standard. Whatever the reason, sometimes in our lives, we've got to calculate the odds of being canned. Take this quiz and find out you chances of survival in the job world.
The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk. You...
A) swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B) inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of more...

The head nun at the convent says, "I found a pair of men's underwear under my desk!"
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes "Heh, heh, heh..."
She says, "And I found a used condom on my desk!"
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes "Heh, heh, heh..."
She says, "And there was a huge tear in the condom!"
One nun gasps, but twenty nuns go, "Heh, heh, heh."

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full." The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..." Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion." The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem." "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more." Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger." "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?" Mrs. more...

The head nun at the convent says, "I found a pair of men's underwear under my desk!"Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes "Heh, heh, heh..."She says, "And I found a used condom on my desk!"Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes "Heh, heh, heh..."She says, "And there was a huge tear in the condom!"One nun gasps, but twenty nuns go, "Heh, heh, heh."

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assis- tants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

One day, a little frog was sitting in his pond looking around at home. He decided that it just wasn't as nice as he knew it could be and he decided to remodel to raise the value of his property and to live more comfortably. He called the local forest contractor and got an estimate for $5000. The little frog only had $2500 saved up so he decided to go to a bank to apply for a loan for the rest of the money. When he got to the bank, he hopped over to one of the tellers and said, "good morning, I would like to apply for a loan" the teller looked at the little frog and said, "you have to go speak to our loan specialist, Ms. Patty Mac, third office on your left". So the little frog hopped into Ms. Mac's office and jumped on to the desk and said, "good morning, I would like to apply for a loan". Patty looked at the little frog and said, "What will you be putting up as collateral?" The little frog was confused, not knowing what collateral was so Ms. more...