Details Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a young man who volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp.

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft., he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain.

Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake!"

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show.

The first candidate walks in, and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?"

The guy says, "Well damn! You got no ears man!"

So the boss yells, "Get out!"

The second candidate comes in, and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?"

The guy says, "That''s easy, you got no ears!"

So the boss says, "Get out!"

As the second candidate leaves he sees the third candidate about to go in and says, "The boss has no ears so don''t say anything about them, cause he is really sensitive about it."

So the third candidate goes in and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What do you notice about more...

More details coming out about Michael Jackson. It seems his 13-year-old accuser testified before a grand jury that Michael had seven locks on his bedroom door.

See, what happened was whenever Michael would install one lock, the kid would grow an inch taller, and he’d have to put in another one. .. and then another one. .. and then another one.
Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.
McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?
Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, "It’s like ordering a pizza. ” Really? What restaurant is he going to? All I ever get is a pizza... I guess in some ways it is - when it’s delivered, it’s never quite as hot as you hoped it would be.
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also more...

In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late
night meetings with the President...
"I can't remember the details, she said, but I know the answer is on the
tip of my tongue!"

Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not to exceed 1 (one)
pound. (See line 4.)
Line 2. Sugar, light brown or white, unless you or your spouse
had a financial account in a foreign country in 1990, in which case
dark brown sugar must be used. Do not substitute molasses or honey.
Use 1 (one) cup and adjust to taste.
Line 3. Eggs, six or half a dozen, whichever is greater.
Line 4. Semisweet chocolate, 6 oz. Nonfarm families may choose
the optional method of using cocoa powder. If you elect the Cocoa
Method, add 1/2 oz. (One Tablespoon) of butter to each 3
tablespoons of cocoa. Multiply by .9897 per ounce of substitution.
For adjustments to sugar, see pg. 29. Add total of additional
butter to Line 1 (above). Sugar adjustments should be reflected in
final total of Line 2. For additional details on cocoa conversion,
see Form 551.
Line 5a. Flour, white. If you were a federal, state or local
government employee, more...

A detective is mentoring a blonde rookie officer and decides to give her a challenge. So he gives her a mugshot of a suspect turned to one side and tells her to see if she can give details about the suspect just by looking at the picture. The blonde looks at the picture and immediately says, "
He wears contacts."
Confused, the detective looks at the mugshot and since he can't tell that the suspect wears contacts, he tells the blonde, "
Look, don't give me dumb guesses, this is serious."
The blonde says,"
I'm not guessing. I know this guy wears contacts."
Losing his patience, the detective says, "
Look, quit playing around or I'll have to report you."
But the blonde firmly insists, "
I'm telling you, he wears contacts."
Frustrated, the detective decides to prove her wrong by asking the officers for details about the suspect. A few minutes later he comes back looking both shocked and amazed. He more...

On a sheet of paper, draw a picture of a pig.
Do your best.
Then scroll down and read the rest of this message.
Don't cheat, because if you do it won't work.
Draw the pig first and just follow the instructions, it won't take but a minute.
Have fun. This is quite interesting! You must not scroll down until you have drawn the pig.
Draw your picture. No cheating now. You will find this veryinteresting if you draw your picture first!
***
YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE FRIGGIN PIG!!!
IT RUINS THE JOKE IF YOU DON'T DRAW THE PIG. IT
DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK GOOD. JUST DO IT. IT'LL TAKE 20 SECONDS.
YOU'LL BE SORRY IF YOU DIDN'T DRAW THE PIG.
***
The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits of the drawer.
If the pig is drawn:
Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.
Facing more...