Device Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in it's leather sheath and worn on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football more...

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, more...

Hammer
In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain
on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on
oneself.
Screwdriver
The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver
The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers
A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers
Contain a handy assortment of sharp and
dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on
a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder
An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light
A worklight that lights up your more...

Chico: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.(Dumb Laws - California)

Congratulations!
You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of
years on trouble-free service, except that you undoubtably will destroy it via
some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR
GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE! YOU
ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT
ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE
SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEO CASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST
FORWARD", THIS CHILD IS ALSO FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW
STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT JUST AS WELL JUST BREAK
THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror... with a cop in it.

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named - BOOK.
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even sitting in an armchair by the fire - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more more...