Diameter Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 lb. â??possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a. 66 Ford Fairlane
b. 69 Chevrolet Chevelle
c. 64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented its charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is more...

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be' appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to' elp you" replied the Prime Minster. (Yes, he does speak like that)
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1, 000, 000 Condoms ASAP to tie us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem" replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Cretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1, 000, 000 condoms right away and more...

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor more...

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a 710 cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a 710 cap?"
She said, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one."
What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun 710, but no, she said it's a Pontiac.
"OK lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. ”What does it do?," we asked.
She said, "I don't know, but it's always been there."
We gave her a note pad and asked if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.
The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it... and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics.
(To Find Out Why He Was In Hysterics... draw a circle, write 710 more...

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. 2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
-' 66 Ford Fairlane
-' 69 Chevrolet Chevelle
-' 64 Pontiac GTO 3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product? 4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch more...

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you" replied the Prime Minster. (Yes, he does speak like that)
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 Condoms ASAP to tie us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem" replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Cretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send dem to more...

A blonde goes to a auto parts store and asks for a Seven Ten cap.
Everybody look at each other and ask, "What's a seven ten cap?"
She says..., "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."
"What kind of a car is it?" they ask.
She says that it's a Buick.
"Okay, Lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.
"What does it do?"
She says, "I don't know, but it's always been there."
One of the guy gives her a note pad and asks her if she can draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.
The guys on the opposite side of the counter are looking at as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard.
One guy says, "I think you want an OIL cap."